Party Time …

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So it’s about that time of they year again where everyone gathers to celebrate…well ME ! and why not ? It is my bday after all ! But what is it about bday parties that seems to place so much more emphasis on how we look and what we wear ?

I mean I see these friends all year round not just one day of the year, they see me in pyjamas and work clothes and dressed up for all occasions but for some reason unknown to me we all feel this bizarre need to look a certain way for out bday’s. Is it because we are trying to convince ourseleves that “no of course you don’t look a day older” or is something more like “I don’t want to be judged” ?

I really wish I knew, because despite all my efforts to embrace my thrities with a smile on my face, (Which I have to say I think ive done very well at) I still feel this ridiculous need to look good for my bday party. I have bought no less than four dresses yes four ! I’m going to get my nails done and a pedciure, hair blow dried, all new jewellery and for what ? So I can stand around in a dark bar where no one will really even notice and if they did they probably wouldn’t care. Why wouldn’t they care ? because they are my friends, not frenemies they love me no matter what.

But I have to admit this is not a rant or a whine, I love the process of getting dolled up and picking an outfit and all the silliness of it. I love the anticipation of the lead up to the party the excitement building,

I’m so excited and it’s not just because as a mother I don’t get a lot of opportunities to really glam it up it’s because I look forward to being with a group of people I love, having a drink and a laugh and enjoying the simple pleasure of being together. Its knowing that even though I probably wont look any different to any other day, that my girlfriends will know that I have spent a whole day getting dressed primping and preening.Its that for one night even though I may not look that different I get to feel like a better more sparkly version of myself.

I love parties, I love the glitz and the glamour and the throwing off of things that worry you in favour of worrying about trivial matters such as the colour of my toenail polish and do I have the right bag?. It’s a night to throw away stress and worries and just have a good time. A night to share with the people who you love the most and to have fun.

Its my thirtieth bday party tonight and  cant wait to share it with my friend who love me and just for one night forget that im a mother, or someone who has problems and just be ME, carefree young and ready to have fun ! Its party time and even though I know I will regret it tomorrow im going to put on my highest shoes and party the night away !!




It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want too…..

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Well it’s finally here my 30th Bday ! And i have to admit that its hasn’t been half as bad as I expected it to be. Nearly everyone I know ranted and grumbled in the lead up to their 3oth bday’s and I have to admit I did have the feeling come over me a few times of oh no I’m getting old or oh my twenties are over boo hoo, but all in all its been a bit of a nothing feeling.

I know this is the point in your life where you should be ready to re-evaluate where your going, what your goals are, where do you want to be in ten years time etc. But for me I have to say this is the first time in so long that I have felt confident in where my life is heading. (yes this does sound smug and self-assured and so annoyingly banal but its the truth)

I feel confident in my choices and I am enjoying life so much more at the moment than I have in years gone by. The past few years have been a roller coaster ride of emotions. I have had so many things thrown at me that I never expected. I was always staunch in my stance that I would never have children, well yeh that didn’t work did it ? My daughter is somewhat of a miracle, and not just in that soppy way most parents say about their children. I was not supposed to be able to have children although I did not know this at the time that I actually fell pregnant.

I was having a great time partying and being young and had no cares in the world I had met the man of my drams and life was going along just as it should then one day I found out rather shockingly that I was 9 weeks pregnant, This wasn’t all bad news though. We took it on board and ran with it and ready for the day she would arrive so happily. And of course some few short months later our little girl was born.

It was only after having her that I found out that she was in fact a miracle of sorts. I was diagnosed with a Thyroid dysfunction, it was never picked up during my pregnancy as the thyroid condition went into remission for the time that I was pregnant. Upon finding out that it had gone untreated for such a long time it turned out that I should not have been able to fall pregnant, also add to that being on the pill and you can understand the miracle thing !

She has been the best thing ever to happen to me, I had an illness that had plagued me for so long diagnosed and finally some relief was in sight. She makes me happy everyday, i find myself laughing at things that are so trivial or small, but to know that I was never really supposed to have her has made me eternally grateful for the moments we get to share no matter how small they may seem.

I have struggled so much being sick and trying to raise a baby but I don’t give up easily and those who know me well will say once I get onto an idea im like a pitbull I do not let go ! I was determined not to be beaten and I have worked tirelessly to get better.

Through all of that, the opportunity arose for me to take on some part-time work. Honestly it was the worst time, my daughter was little, I was due to have an operation and my health wasn’t good. But being me and seeing an opportunity that was too good to pass up I forged ahead and applied. And for some reason ( I assume madness or desperation) They decided to give me a go, and I havent looked back since.

It was the perfect thing, even though I was tired and didn’t feel well at all I knew if I could just get through it I would never regret pushing myself. I have now been working at that job for almost 6 months and I wouldn’t give it up for anything in the world. I get to do a job that I love. I sell books, something that I can’t imagine life without. And not just that, it was the reminder I needed that I am not old and sick I am young and vital and I don’t have to stay home and be sick.

I have fought on and banged on doors trying to get answers and finally recently I was diagnosed with an Auto Immune disease, It is my thyroid but it is Hashimoto’s which is far more serious than my original diagnosis. But at least I finally have some answers and my medication is now tailored correctly and for the first time since my daughter was born I feel like a young person who can take on the world !

I go to work two to three days a week, I am a stay at home mother the rest of the time, I feel like I have the best of both worlds, Thats not all though, I have a family that love and support me, amazing friends and a man who has taken care or me tirelessly and without complaint since day one. He is my rock and I don’t know where I would be without him.

So why do I feel so lucky and so carefree about being 30 ? because I feel like ive seen the bad times, I have felt old and tired and sick and now I know that 30 isnt old its just getting started. I have a little girl that I never should have had. A little girl that makes even the hardest days bearable just by being there. I have a man who loves me and takes care of me, a man who supports me in all my endeavours, a man who never once has faltered or complained that it was too hard. I have family that have stood by and taken over when I was so sick I couldn’t go on. I have friends who love and support me and take care of me too.

And beyond all that ? I have a job that has finally given me the opportunity to do what I love best. To write creatively, to channel my passion for books into something that not only makes me money but helps me feel as though im making a difference.

I want for nothing, material or otherwise. I have more love than I could ever ask for, great friends a beautiful home and everything I could ever possibly need.

So 30 meh whatever, I have fun, I love my job and my family and friends. And better still ? I have my health (well almost) So while I could sit around having a pity party what would be the point ? I’m not starving,my child is healthy,my family is together and we love each other. How many people want for any of those things ? People the world over would give their life for their child to be healthy or to have a meal to eat.

While I know that as a woman my vanity should be taking over and I should be moaning that im getting old and oh god my face is going to be wrinkled soon blah blah blah I just cant bring myself to think that any of that really matters.

When u see the hard sides of life you learn to love the little moments that make you smile. If I could say I had little moments to smile about very day I would be happy but as it stands now ? I have moments that make me happy everyday multiple times a day. I’m smiling more and thankful for everything I have not worrying about what could be or what might happen.

Life’s too short to spend it worrying, so throw off the fears of age and wrinkles and what the number 30 means, and just live life! get amongst it smile, dance, laugh, enjoy the moments where your worries are few because in time there will be plenty of time for worry and stress but it’s not now!

So what does all this mean ? Well it means simply this ….

I am a woman who has a pretty good life, I want for nothing and I know that lifes trials are still there lurking in the distance but they are not here now and ill worry about them later !

So HELLO 30 ! bring it on ! Life is good and a number isn’t going to change that ! 😉





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