My Random Encounter With the Penis (Why Does This Always Happen To Me?)

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Well that’s it people the day has dawned and I can officially say I have seen it all. Yes I know im only 30 and its kinda early to make that call but you don’t know what I saw today ! I like most have had my fair share of random arse sightings, flashes of naked boob even a little snatch but hey who hasn’t ? anyone over the age of 18 who hasn’t been to a strip club may not have but I know the rest of you can say aside from and outside of your general sexual encounters you have seen or witnessed random acts of nudity.

From being mooned at schoolies week or seeing a random boob on the beach we have all experienced that moment where the realisation dawns that you are in the presence of naked parts and it’s not bloody intentional. Now for some of you that may have been a happy or pleasantly surprising experience. I will admit that a naked flash of random arse on the beach of some hot life saver is not something I am offended by, I will even go so far as to admit that in my younger days pre baby and life partner I even enjoyed a little random nudity.

But those times have passed !!! I am now a happily settled Mother and Spouse I do not spend my weekends cruising the beaches or getting blind in nightclubs in the hope of a little random perving. Today as I innocently made my way home from work I stupidly thought I would drop in to my local service station and get some milk…….Ohhhhh how stupid I was! It was not my mission the get milk that yielded penis oh no-no. After I payed for my milk and hopped back into my car and drove to the exit of aforementioned servo I was visually assaulted and I do mean assaulted by a random flash of naked man. Penis and all.

There I was going about my day just trying to make it home without any trauma and BAM penis ! A local man who lives near me apparently decided to do a nudie run out into his front yard god knows what for but there it was in all its hideousness his penis. Small shrivelled and obviously suffering a little from the cold Brisbane weather.

The worst part of it was that not only was I affronted by the penis, but then he saw that he was busted and took off at warp speed, cock and balls flying and ran up his front steps only to assault my vision with a lovely view of his hairy ass crack. Ohh what joy. A fat, jowly, hirsute man running naked right in my line of sight.

Just when I thought it was safe to wear my new and very fabulous glasses I am confronted by that ! So not only did I see the penis but I saw it in all its glory. Up close and way too personal. I foresee a need for some intensive therapy in my not too distant future. I may need sedatives just to continue writing this blog post. It’s not every day that you see a penis and it’s not every day that you see one running free in the front yard of a neighbours home.

It’s quite funny really and im not sure whether to thank my Boss or to mercilessly berate her but today of all days, she was late to take over for me in the shop. Thus making me perfectly timed to witness the horror of seeing my neighbour running out into his front yard stark naked. Why me you may be asking yourself but the better observation would be why always you ? Yes that’s right people this is not my first traumatising encounter with random acts of nudity. I am a shit magnet for freaks and weirdos. I seem to attract them, lucky me huh !

I have been mooned at the coast, and witnessed far too many shrivelled and shrunken penises on the beach to count. I don’t know why I seem to attract these people but if like me you too are a shit magnet I have decided to start a support group for sufferers of random nudity.

Yes that’s right I am, I think its time that we who have suffered that trauma and indignity of being assaulted with the image of unwanted penis to band together and share our suffering. I shall call this support group. P.A.I.N which stands for People Against Indecent Nudity. Its time to stand up and say NO to random nudie runs to the front yard, NO to people who think that its ok to flash unsuspecting people in car parks (I’ve suffered that too) No to old men undressing on the beach and NO to people showering nude on public beaches. Australia does not want to see your shrivelled bits and neither do I !

Cover up people for the sake of humanity and the future of the human race. The world needs reproduction to continue and if you continue to flash you ugly naked parts you threaten that very future! No one wants to see your wrinkled hairy arse ! So for the future of the country and for the sake of my eyes put some pants on I beg you ! Its only kind.

BlondiieC

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Mama Couture – Book Launch

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Well its official Mama Couture has been launched here in Brisbane and is in store now at TLC Books. We celebrated the launch of this amazing book of Monday night and I thought I would share a bit about the night !

We celebrated in true girly style with champagne and beautiful pink cupcakes in abundance! We hosted Moya Kate’s launch at TLC Books along with approximately 40 guests. The night was beautiful and the store was packed to capacity. We are all big fans of Moya’s book at TLC Books and the excitement was palpable on the night.

We kicked off at 6.30pm by greeting all our guests with a glass of bubbly to get us all in the mood for some laughs and some stories. The guests mingled with Moya and got to ask her about her experiences with writing her début novel Mama Couture. Then we heard from Tanya Caunce owner of TLC Books who spoke a little about the immediate interest we have had in the book and how much we all enjoyed reading it. Then I got up and said a few words and told everyone a little about how much I enjoyed the book and then it was over to Moya.

Moya started off by giving us all some background into her experiences of motherhood, writing and raising four children. Moya is a well-known blogger and is a proud mummy to four gorgeous kids. But of course she is also a writer. She held us all enthralled with her stories of managing her time between writing and motherhood and the struggle to get her book published. Then it was time for her to regale us with a little excerpt from her hilarious book.

Moya read from the Labour scene, which was very appropriate given that it was Labour day here in Queensland. She dedicate her reading to women everywhere who don’t have a national holiday to recognise their efforts . She also gave thanks to an array of talented female writers that she looks up to including, Virginia Wolf, Miles Franklin and Djuna Barnes and talked about the importance of recording women’s stories.

Then it was of course time for questions from the audience which Moya handled and answered with great hilarity and a big smile much to the delight of everyone who attended. Then of course we had time for more cupcakes and more champagne. (YUM)

We ended the night with a book signing where everyone was able to get a personally inscribed copy of Mama Couture, Just in time for Mother’s Day.

Mama Couture is a fantastic book, If you haven’t read my review of the book, what are you waiting for ? It’s a great book and it’s absolutely perfect for Mother’s Day. If you would like to know more about Moya Kate head over to the TLC Books blog where you can read an interview with her.

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The Kindness of Strangers…

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I unlike Blanche have never relied on the kindness of strangers, I have always kept to myself and my thoughts were rarely shared, until recently that is 😉 . Recently I discovered this mad, fun, supportive, crazy world that is blogging. Im sure for anyone who reads my blog regularly (the whole two im sure ) well you will know that I have had some previous drama, some of it serious and hurtful some of it trivial, but all of it annoying and hurtful.

Well today I lost it, I went postal, I blew my stack and all those other good euphemisms. I had enough and I did what so many people seem to do on a daily basis. I spoke my mind, I ranted and I raved and it felt good. It felt good to say what I was feeling, to say a big fuck you to all the assholes who will try to bring you down.

I did all that with no intention than to speak my mind, to free the demons. But it would seem I caused quite a stir. I never expected to have people rally in support of what I said, Or reach out but they did. And not friends but strangers, or virtual strangers if you will pardon the very bad pun.

People I know only by a gravatar or a small twitpic, a facebook profile or a blog spot. Many of these people I have spoken to only briefly, some of them are people I look up to, and some of them are people I have come to consider “virtual” friends. No matter what their relationship to me they extended their friendship to say “thanks for saying what you did” or “hey I hope your ok”.

This is not the first time I have experienced this either, on the first of April I blogged about Autism Awareness Day and got another huge response people I didn’t know who took the time to say thank you and share their stories. And it knocked my socks off.

I never believed that people out there would do that, but they do ! So to all the amazing people, strangers, friends, virtual friends and the people I admire…..THANK YOU for being so kind, you made a shy, self doubting, fearful girl feel very special today ! 😉

I guess from now on the message is a little less of the Stanley Kowalski’s of this world with their brash nastiness and a little more of the sweetly naïve Blanche and her relying on the kindness of strangers.

Cheers

BlondiieC

xoxoxox


Ikea….My Love/Hate relationship

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Ikea its a word that brings out so many responses in people. Love , fear, utter dread, exhaustion, excitement and extreme joy. Whatever it is people feel it seems to always be a strong emotion. I have mixed emotions about Ikea myself I swing from fear to excitement.

The fear comes from OMG the money I will spend, simply because I know that in spite of my best efforts I will not, I repeat not, buy the one thing I go there to buy. Oh no I will of course buy at least ten items that I don’t need one item I do need and of course a bag full of small random items that i don’t even remember picking up.

I will leave home with the best intentions to only go in and grab the one thing I am making the mission to get. But upon entering the brightly lit showroom that is my personal crack addiction I go to bits. I go weak at the knees, I start to breathe shallowly, my hart races with all the possibilities. And my pupils dilate. I start to take in all the things that Ikea has on offer.

Furniture and cook wear, rugs and candle holders, curtains, sheets, towels the list is endless. It’s a mecca for shopping for house obsessed people like me. I will admit it here and now I am an Ikea addict. It’s not something I proud of, it’s not something I endorse. But this is a real and serious affliction.

And this is where the problem lies, as much as I fear the trip to Ikea the pilgrimage to mecca as I call it. I love it, I simply cant get enough of it. It’s a shopping emporium cleverly designed to suck you in to the void and not let you out until you have experienced everything it has to offer. This is of course very shrewd business. This store is designed in such a way that you cant help but see how miraculously the whole Ikea story goes together. From bedrooms to lounge rooms to kitchens they have it all. And it’s there waiting for you to buy it. All cleverly laid out in perfect little rooms designed to look like a room in a house so that you the don’t even have to think about how to decorate.

I love it because for me ( a very very house proud person ) it is an affordable and stylish way to completely change the look of any room in your house. Of course admittedly Ikea has its drawbacks, the crowds of people, the floor to ceiling stock, the never-ending maze that is the store itself. But no matter how many the drawbacks, for me the positives far outweigh the negatives.

I went for a trip to Ikea yesterday to get a bookcase, yes one bookcase. Of course I came home with a bookcase, 6 photo frames, 2 vases, 2 storage boxes, 4 storage baskets, flowers, plants, a print, a clock , 6 candles, 4 candle holders…umm I think that’s it ….but there could be more. Now you see what I mean don’t you.

I came home so excited to re decorate my bedroom from floor to ceiling. I now owned enough storage solutions to arrange every office in Parliament House. Bear in mind I was only trying to organise a bedroom for two people. But no the madness took over. I couldn’t stop I had to have it all. And yes when I got home of course I didn’t need all of it no, not even half really.

Anyway I came home and got my very useful handyman Man to put it all together ( I don’t do the heavy lifting ) and so began my most favourite part of the whole experience the decorating ( I think I was a decorator in a past life ) I get a weird thrill from seeing organisation coming together. I get the same thrill from cleaning ( I know I’m sick I have a problem lol )

My bedroom was transformed before my eyes, everything in its place all shiny and new and exciting. Was that enough to feed the best ? to satiate the hunger ? ….Of course not ! I started to see what could be changed, improved, re organised. I wanted to go back the very next day to get more. A new bed, a new chest of drawers, a bedside table to match, the list was endless.

I have started to circle all the items in the catalogue that will of course make my life complete. My brain is craving the next Ikea hit.

All in all it was a really successful trip, I got what I needed and yes some, ok lots of things I didn’t need. But my bedroom looks amazing, my life is more organised. Did I need to spend the buckets of money that I did? No, did I enjoy it ? ohh yes !

So love it or hate it you have to admit that Ikea for its few faults is a great place to shop. Even if you do spend money you shouldn’t be spending. Yesterdays trip did nothing to change my feelings about Ikea it only reinforced my obsessive love for the mecca of household items.

So thank you Ikea you have transformed my bedroom to the oasis I wanted it to be. And don’t fret Ill be back soon to go crazy again. Once an Ikea addict always an addict.

 

BlondiieC

xox

 

http://www.ikea.com/au/en/

 

 


Food Shopping with Toddlers…..

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Well it’s that time of the week the cupboards were beginning to get bare and we were down to all the crap that’s left, that if you try reeeeaaallly hard you may make a meal out of it but really who could be bothered ? So it was off to complete the dreaded food shopping. Now I love cooking!, I adore making food and baking and all the kitchen stuff but the food shopping, well lets be honest it’s not the best activity now is it ?

I used to be a bit of a fan of the food shopping id scour the local produce markets and go to different stores and really enjoy the process……Until I had a child! Yesss I hear all the groans of sympathy and the “I knows” and even in some cases I’m sure the “I told you so’s”. I know that all mothers and fathers out there have felt that stabbing sense of dread as they realise that day is looming yet again, when u have to venture out, into the supermarket abyss armed only with a trolley , a list and a small shred of your sanity.

And as if that’s not scary enough there is that little voice singing away in their car seat reminding you of their presence the TODDLER …..*shudder. Yes I love my daughter of course I do, I love her to the point of distraction. Do I love taking her shopping though ? ohh HELL NO !

Food shopping is tiring, it’s a grudge purchase, its hard work and it certainly isn’t going to make your day any brighter. Because not only have you shopped for the food then it has to be loaded in to the car then into the house then unpacked and then of course it’s sitting there waiting for you to cook something with it.

But all that aside……. it’s the constant noise of a demanding toddler that makes the entire experience that much more difficult. The whinging, the cranky faces the constant grabbing at EVERYTHING ! not to mention the constant finding of food items to pull out of the trolley and attempt to devour. Please someone tell me i’m not alone here ? Im not am I? This is how it goes for all parents.

Well I braved it today and as if I don’t deserve a medal for that sheer feat of bravery alone I did it while it was raining. Yes raining that sort of weather that makes all small children crazy and just a bit harder to manage. But to add to the joy where I live there appears to be an alarming trend of building supermarkets without undercover parking ANYWHERE ! what is that about ? Is it that hard to pop up a little coverage?

So It’s not just struggle out of the car with baby in tow, find a trolley that isn’t wet from the inclement weather, battle the crowds and get in there but now we can do it all while getting rained on. lucky us!

So whats the point of all of this ? Well simply to say to all you other parents out there ……You are not alone, my child drives me crazy at times, she makes food shopping the most tedious chore and YES I hate struggling through open air car parks with a baby during a downpour. I find it all makes me frazzled and cranky two things I really don’t like feeling.

But there is an upside to it all, silver lining to the rain clouds and all that. In that I got home with a boot full of food, a toddler who was satisfied that she had been out somewhere and enough food to cook meals for at least a week. That’s the best part of it, knowing that I don’t have to contemplate that hideous adventure for at least another week.

 

BlondiieC

xox

 


Thank You !

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I have to take the time to personally dedicate some thanks to all the women who have lent their support to me tonight with regard to my post “Enough is Enough”.

I felt instantly better knowing that it isn’t just me who feels that fear, it isn’t just me who is scared for how to raise a little girl in this climate of sexualization, it isn’t just me who fears for the future.

Every woman who took the time to send me messages to thank me or to agree with me, Thank you from the bottom of my heart. It means the world to me to know that I share this world with right-minded women who have the same values as me, that feel the same way about what is happening to our children.

I was so surprised to be given support not just by friends but by people I don’t even know, people who read my post after it was retweeted to others. Women who don’t even have children but who felt the same stab of fear and indignation at this ridiculous culture that is taking over. Women who like me feel that all of this is a step down a very slippery slope that is only getting worse.

Women that value other women, not for how they look or what their bra size is, but women who admire women, who look up to women who are inspirational, women who make a difference, women who believe that we are worth more than the value of our cup size or the size of our bums. I am constantly inspired by women who want to affect change, women who use their voice to make a difference, women who believe in the power of other women.

Thank you all for being who you are, mothers,sisters, cousins, daughters, writers, nurses, doctors, politicians,business women, bloggers, poets, washers and cleaners, cooks and all the other hats you wear everyday.  You are what makes me feel inspired everyday, You are what makes the world a better and safer place for our children to grow up in.

Thank you for reaching out to someone you don’t know to say, I agree with you, I understand your fears, I support you in this struggle of motherhood, I believe in what you’re saying .

We all have a voice its how we use it that counts, every great change starts with a single thought. Its time for us to use the voice that so many women before us have fought so hard for, to keep fighting for women in the generations to come to enjoy the freedom to be whoever they want to be.

Thank you all so much, you will never understand what your support means to me. Please know that you inspired a women today to stand up for her beliefs and to speak out and not remain silent for fear of not being accepted ! Its women like you that will make the change that will end this awful trend.

Thank you thank you thank you ! You make the world a better place.

BlondiieC

xoxox

Oh What A Night ! – my 30th b’day shenanigans

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Well Saturday night was the scene of the crime …ahem I mean party, and party we did !. I had all the usual worries about hosting a party for my b’day, I mean its kinda conceited when you think  about it! But I am never one to let fear stand in the way of a good excuse to get boozey. So I did it, I chose a venue and sent out invites all while nervously waiting on rsvp’s to see who would come. And WOW was I impressed with the effort!

I thought I would organise something small, a little low-key event to herald in the onset of my thirties, nothing too big and flashy ( it might draw too much attention to the fact i’m getting old) And to be honest I wasn’t ready to spend $70 on a cab home. So I organised something local, a few quiet drinks at a local Bar/Restaurant with a few of my closest friends. Sounds great right ?

Well of course I don’t do anything small and it turned into a madcap night of mayhem and hijinks. We arrived to a beautiful spot overlooking the Harbour and took over the place. Approximately thirty of my nearest and dearest came along to celebrate my epic milestone.

Friends came from near and very far, I had friends visiting from Singapore and friends who were local. Everyone who came was someone who has formed a part of the life that had brought me to this point. My dearest and oldest friends came all the way from Singapore, We have been friends since childhood and I can’t imagine not sharing this milestone with them.

My bestie Miss Nat was there to share in all the mayhem (we share the same B’day ) and we partied the night away like so many years gone by. We never miss being together for our B’days and this year was no exception.

The Champagne flowed and so did the cocktails. There was more drinks that anyone needed and a lot of hilarity too. What can I say we partied until they kicked us out, and it was brilliant. B’days are always strange you never know how the night will turn out, you worry about how you will look, what you will wear, will you embarrass yourself etc.

I of course went through all these thoughts and more but on the night it was amazing. My party this year exceeded all my expectations!  I got to share it with the most incredible group of people. People I love and who have shaped the person I am today. Friends that have been there through thick and thin, Family who are always there to share ion your special moments. And people I have met only recently.

I felt honoured to be surrounded by such an amazing group of people and to be so spoilt by their outpouring of love. Not to mention the gifts! It was a night to remember and one that I will treasure for many years to come.

I would love to sit here and write in detail about all the funny things that happened and all the laughs we had but you really had to be there. So in short ill say this….It was the best b’day I’ve ever had and I cant wait to do it all again next year.

So a big thanks to the following people who made me feel like the luckiest woman alive on my 30th…..

Tanya, Russell, Elliot, Kelly, Natalie, Renee, Linsey, Nat T, Michael, Cameron, Tina, Katrina, Pete, Alyce, Russell P, Chris, Matt, Kirsten, Neek, Kat, and Daniel.

And a HUGE thank you to Ben and Rachel for coming all that way and sharing in my special day. I love you guys so much, you are family before you are friends. I cant wait to party in your part of the world. Singapore …. BRING IT ON ! …..Thank you for the years of friendship, the advice, the shoulders to cry on, the love and support and the privilege of calling you my friends. Rach we are sister wives forever, I just hope Ben realises what he is taking on 😉  Oh and Ben, we are so doing a girls trip to your house in the snow, Tell Rach I expect wine and lots of it! LOVE YAS XOXOXO

Nat, you are my best friend, I have known you now for 12 years and for each year we get a little closer and a bit more crazy 😉 I wouldn’t have it any other way. You are my partner in crime and I love you dearly. I still remember the first time we found out we shared a b’day ! I wouldn’t share it with anyone but you ! Love you like crazy you make my world a better place. (thank you for the outrageously amazing gift , you spoil me way too much)

Lins, Thank you for being a part of my life these past years, I have had so much fun packed into the time we have known each other, You are my drinking buddy, my shoulder to cry on and my Mummy friend who doesn’t judge. I love the memories we have and I cant wait to watch our daughters grow and make their own together ! (thank you for the beautiful present, I know ill feel like a princess when I wear it all 😉 )

I want to personally thank you all and leave you all messages that express what you mean to me but I would have cramps in my hands before I got halfway down the list! Thanks so much for the memories we have made and the memories we will make, I love being a part of your world and I hope you love being a part of mine too.

And of course I cant forget to thank the man that makes my life possible, Pete you make me laugh when I feel like crying, you love me when no one else would, you take care of me without complaining, you are an amazing father to our little girl, you are the most incredible person in my life and without you my life would be pointless. Thank you for giving me the best gift anyone could, our little girl is the other half of my heart and between the two of you my heart is a whole. I love you more than words can say. 

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Thank you coming to celebrate with me and making me feel like the most spoilt woman in the world. I am blessed to call you my friends, I don’t know where I would be without you !

Love you all

C    xoxoxoxo

 

These pics are but a mere sample of the thousands that were taken I just don’t feel like uploading more lol 😉

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