Well that’s it people the day has dawned and I can officially say I have seen it all. Yes I know im only 30 and its kinda early to make that call but you don’t know what I saw today ! I like most have had my fair share of random arse sightings, flashes of naked boob even a little snatch but hey who hasn’t ? anyone over the age of 18 who hasn’t been to a strip club may not have but I know the rest of you can say aside from and outside of your general sexual encounters you have seen or witnessed random acts of nudity.

From being mooned at schoolies week or seeing a random boob on the beach we have all experienced that moment where the realisation dawns that you are in the presence of naked parts and it’s not bloody intentional. Now for some of you that may have been a happy or pleasantly surprising experience. I will admit that a naked flash of random arse on the beach of some hot life saver is not something I am offended by, I will even go so far as to admit that in my younger days pre baby and life partner I even enjoyed a little random nudity.

But those times have passed !!! I am now a happily settled Mother and Spouse I do not spend my weekends cruising the beaches or getting blind in nightclubs in the hope of a little random perving. Today as I innocently made my way home from work I stupidly thought I would drop in to my local service station and get some milk…….Ohhhhh how stupid I was! It was not my mission the get milk that yielded penis oh no-no. After I payed for my milk and hopped back into my car and drove to the exit of aforementioned servo I was visually assaulted and I do mean assaulted by a random flash of naked man. Penis and all.

There I was going about my day just trying to make it home without any trauma and BAM penis ! A local man who lives near me apparently decided to do a nudie run out into his front yard god knows what for but there it was in all its hideousness his penis. Small shrivelled and obviously suffering a little from the cold Brisbane weather.

The worst part of it was that not only was I affronted by the penis, but then he saw that he was busted and took off at warp speed, cock and balls flying and ran up his front steps only to assault my vision with a lovely view of his hairy ass crack. Ohh what joy. A fat, jowly, hirsute man running naked right in my line of sight.

Just when I thought it was safe to wear my new and very fabulous glasses I am confronted by that ! So not only did I see the penis but I saw it in all its glory. Up close and way too personal. I foresee a need for some intensive therapy in my not too distant future. I may need sedatives just to continue writing this blog post. It’s not every day that you see a penis and it’s not every day that you see one running free in the front yard of a neighbours home.

It’s quite funny really and im not sure whether to thank my Boss or to mercilessly berate her but today of all days, she was late to take over for me in the shop. Thus making me perfectly timed to witness the horror of seeing my neighbour running out into his front yard stark naked. Why me you may be asking yourself but the better observation would be why always you ? Yes that’s right people this is not my first traumatising encounter with random acts of nudity. I am a shit magnet for freaks and weirdos. I seem to attract them, lucky me huh !

I have been mooned at the coast, and witnessed far too many shrivelled and shrunken penises on the beach to count. I don’t know why I seem to attract these people but if like me you too are a shit magnet I have decided to start a support group for sufferers of random nudity.

Yes that’s right I am, I think its time that we who have suffered that trauma and indignity of being assaulted with the image of unwanted penis to band together and share our suffering. I shall call this support group. P.A.I.N which stands for People Against Indecent Nudity. Its time to stand up and say NO to random nudie runs to the front yard, NO to people who think that its ok to flash unsuspecting people in car parks (I’ve suffered that too) No to old men undressing on the beach and NO to people showering nude on public beaches. Australia does not want to see your shrivelled bits and neither do I !

Cover up people for the sake of humanity and the future of the human race. The world needs reproduction to continue and if you continue to flash you ugly naked parts you threaten that very future! No one wants to see your wrinkled hairy arse ! So for the future of the country and for the sake of my eyes put some pants on I beg you ! Its only kind.